Don’t Need therapy, but Where do I Turn for Answers?
Tips for Having
a Great Relationship
Tips for Having
a Great Relationship
NOW IN PRINT!
is the Emperor Wearing? Truth-Telling in Business Relationships
from CoDependency: It’s Never too Late to Reclaim Your Childhood
Action Plan for Your Inner Child: Parenting Each Other
506 West Davies Way
Littleton, Colorado 80120
a friend about us.
"You Mean They Don't?!"
Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.
“They never seem to get any work done on time, but they complain
that they're being underutilized.” Jacob, a chiropractor, was
talking about his office staff. “I have to do so many things myself
that they could do for me, but they don't. They just don't seem care
about what I want. I just don't understand. I pay them well and they
need their jobs.”
As Jacob’s frustration increased, he explored the idea that he had
hired inappropriate people in the first place. He reflected that if
only he could find the proper leverage he thought he could make them
do what he had hired them to do. Leverage to Jacob meant the proper
combination of rewards and threats.
When I asked about what guidelines the staff was given to do their
work Jacob admitted that he let them set up their own procedures with
very little input from him. He communicated his expectations very
vaguely, because he himself hated to be told what to do. Jacob thought
if he was “nice” to them, they would like him and work hard to
assure the success of the office.
Jacob only got angry when they didn't meet his admittedly non-specific
performance expectations. When he got frustrated enough, he would
insist that his rules be followed; telling his confused and
demoralized staff exactly how to do what he expected. They were
constantly seesawing between unclear expectations and over-detailed
instructions that discounted their intelligence and experience.
Jacob argued when I suggested that he needed to create clear
guidelines for his staff and then leave them alone to do their jobs.
He was sure his staff would hate him and quit if he did that, and he
firmly believed they would never get any work done without closer
supervision. Jacob believed that everyone in the world hated structure
as much as he did.
When I told him that most people need and want structured guidelines
in order to feel safe and happy, Jacob was surprised. He explained how
he had been forced to follow rules for most of his life and cherished
his present freedom. He assumed that everybody else felt exactly the
same way he did.
He experimented with the idea that some people felt nurtured by
structure. Warily, he started telling his office manager only the
outcomes he wanted including necessary completion times. The office
manager competently communicated the work requirements, the staff
happily met them, and Jacob was immensely relieved.
Coaching Tip: Most people believe that everyone sees the world
exactly the same
way as they do. This is never true and often the source of much
The e-Booklet, 124 Tips for Having a Great Relationship,
is complete. You can download your copy immediately from HERE.
The print version is now available;
order it HERE
Empowerment Systems When
Change is the Challenge.
B. Weiss, Ph.D., and Laurie
Weiss, Ph.D., have helped thousands of people make significant
changes in their lives. Working together at Empowerment
Systems for 31 of their 43 years of marriage, they maintain a
coaching, consulting, and psychotherapy practice in Littleton,
Copyright 2003, Empowerment Systems. Please feel
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